Dropping the soap

By Jon Hillenbrand In Poetry


So you know what I’m really good at? Avoiding soap to foot impacts in the shower. I’m like the Smith from the Matrix movies who could avoid all those bullets. I think it’s a very useful skill to have. Now if only I could work on not dropping the soap.

You know what else I’m bad at besides soap retention? Procrastination. My old roommate in college used to say, “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow.” Seemed like bad advice back in the day, but I’ve since taken it to heart somewhat. There have been studies done on my ilk, investigating the biological and sociological reasons for procrastinators. I think these studies describe actual differences in the brain structures between procrastinators and others, but I’ve never gotten around to reading them.

You know what sucks? It’s 74 degrees out, very pleasant, but it’s 9000 degrees in my apartment. Seriously, are the radiators on? All the candles have pooled together on the window sill.

What do you think?