Valentine’s Day Mass Cure

By Jon Hillenbrand In Stories

What is this?  Two blog posts on Valentine’s Day?  Yes, I’m trying to make up for five years of not posting anything V-Day related, or as my sister Anne calls it, Single’s Awareness Day.  So for all of my single cohorts on this most-challenging of days, I present to you a short list of reasons that it is great to be single on V-Day (in no particular order)!

  • While you can imagine sharing Oreo cookies under a blanket in front of a fireplace with your significant other, if you are single you don’t have to worry about annoying cookie breath!
  • An early death will not lead to pissed off and therapy-bound dependants!
  • Plenty of time during the long and endless night to fill with whatever you want to do!
  • Want to buy a motorcycle and drive as fast as you can at least once?  If single, your significant other won’t worry you out of that self-destructive fantasy!
  • Taxes are so much easier when single! 1040EZ anyone?
  • An apartment or home full of filth only gets swept up by your socks, not the socks of your significant other!
  • Piles of dishes only bother you, not your significant other!
  • No ice, no problem!
  • Drinking directly from the carton is allowed!
  • Kleenex stock goes way up on Valentine’s Day because of you and the RomCom industry!
  • Those video games aren’t going to finish themselves!
  • Online dating has never been more acceptable as a lifestyle choice!
  • No one to compete with your porn!

While this isn’t a complete list, it’s all I could come up with before the crushing reality that my Blu-Ray player has been rotating in the same spot for the past two hours burning a permanent blue line into the Battlestar Galactica pilot.  Happy Valentine’s Day to all of my single friends.  To all of my friends updating Facebook with their plans of flowers, chocolate, fancy restaurants and exhultations of love, bite me.

2 Comments
  1. Melissa February 14, 2011

    Thanks for the laugh, Jon!

    Reply
  2. Anne aka Sister February 14, 2011

    You are the funniest mutha fu#$r I know…I almost peed!!!!!!!

    Reply

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