December 12, 2016

Haunted House Theories

By In Thoughts

A few years back, I rented a haunted house.  I didn’t know it was haunted when I first rented it.  You would think it would be exciting.  Well, it’s not.  It sucks.  One time, I heard all of the pots and pans fall from a ceiling mounted rack into my sink.  It make a hell of a racket.  But when I went into the kitchen to investigate, the pots and pans were securely in their place undisturbed.  But I wasn’t.  I was fully disturbed.  Eventually I had a talk with the ghosts in the house after one particularly scary event that I’ll go into some other time.  After that, the ghosts seemed to disappear.  A week later, my landlady asked me to move out because her daughter got a divorce and needed the house to live in.  So here are a few theories about that.

  1. The ghosts got angry and caused the daughter to get a divorce from her husband by influencing her dreams, injecting visions of the husband cheating, putting lipstick on his collars, etc.
  2. The ghosts were trying to warn me that the divorce was going to happen, which would lead to my “eviction”.
  3. I am a high level psychic who is unaware of his extreme powers.  Through my abilities, I imagined that the house was unable to be lived in.  I projected the future into my present living situation.  I knew eventually I would have to leave, so living there was an eventual impossibility that I forecasted to do my future self a favor.
  4. I’m a character in a VR game being played by a child from the future who never ages.  Stuck in that world of being 7 years old, this child makes silly mistakes with my character like not going to L.A. for a career in film production and instead going to Kankakee.  Eventually the kid gets bored so he puts the VR glasses down and other people’s voices in the future room come through the VR headset and I “hear” them and think they are spirits.  I think in the future world, someone dropped a bunch of pots and pans and that’s what I heard through the VR glasses.  This sort of situation would explain a lot like the fact that I’ve been working at NS for 12 years.  Obviously the kid who is controlling my life got bored and hasn’t played “Jon” in like 10 years.  So I’m stuck here reliving every day with just variations in the seasons that are built into the game.

Those are my ideas.  Not sure which is the most likely to be true.

Written by Jon Hillenbrand

Jon Hillenbrand is a Chicago-based artist working in photography and filmmaking. He has over 15 years of professional award-winning experience working both locally and nationally in television, print and web advertising. He currently calls Evanston, IL home.